Hi-dee-ho dear little elfs,
We have been busy still picking meat from the bones of the Thanksgiving turkey and nursing the wounds we received while shopping on Black Friday, but apparently everyone wants to know what exciting things the Edwards’ have been up to this year. After turning down repeated pleas from E! Online and People Magazine, we are going to give you dear friends, family and any nosy onlookers…wait for it…wait for it….. the EXCLUSIVE!!!
Being the holiday season, it seems fitting to mention that we have not yet been invited to a single New Year’s Eve Party this year. We only mention this to make you feel guilty in case you have some awesome plans that you forgot to tell us about. Don’t worry though; we will just entertain ourselves by hopping into a frozen lake on New Year’s Day to make the pain worse!
Many of you might have heard that this summer, I (yes, first female ever) was in the lead of the Tour de France and I climbed like an angel up the Alpe d’Huez. I crested the mountain and quickly looked back to see all the goldfish behind (just sucking air just trying to catch me) and made for the wicked descent. All of the sudden, this pothole jumped out in front of me and reality hit. Crap, I guess that I was not in the Tour and I must have been dreaming or perhaps that was the good drugs they dosed me with as I laid in the ambulances and hospital bed. In 2011, I learned that when I get in a fight with Gravity and Asphalt, I lose! They left me with a fractured scapula (shoulder blade), some bruised ribs and a whole lotta road rash. But I hear scars are cool! Right? But sigh, I had to take 9 entire days off from working out. And oh yeah, I learned I could run with just one arm! As they say, no rest for the wicked!! And by wicked, this now includes Joey, who seems to have the workout bug too these days!
Ahhh, but the ‘Year De Clutz’ continued in the Edwards household. About the time, the better half (aka: the name for all female counterparts in case you were unaware), the other half (the super talented landscaper...well don’t look at our yard 75% of the time) experimented with cutting some limbs down with his extension chainsaw above our garage. (I swear he has done this before at least once successfully!) Yet, on this day he managed to trim all the limbs but one and when it went to let loose, the big old thick limb landed right on top of his thumb on the saw crushing his thumb joint. (Insert one of Joey’s choice $!%@ words!) The treatment, immobilize and rest. It has healed fast because he is really good at that! (Insert sarcasm!) Suffice it to say, we have had quite the busy year with a whole lot of tiger blood!
In other breaking news, our little (rather quite chubby cat generally) Zippo gave us quite a scare this year. Zippo got so sick, quit eating and got so scrawny that he could only muster a very sickly meow! Did not mention I really only do triathlons to meet vet triathletes who perform house calls? Anyway, my super-friend came out and saved our lil guy! This was likely due in part to the joy Joey got from getting to stick the cat with needles for a while!
I thought hell might have frozen over this year (not because Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted to the love child with family maid but) because I randomly got a call from Joey one day at work that we were getting a new puppy! (Cue to me jumping up and down and doing cartwheels) Apparently Joey’s Mom Edwards was hooking us up with a cute little girl to keep our 7 year old Matches golden retriever company. Of course, we had to think of another name with a fire theme, so we named her Ember! She is the most adorable puppy ever even when chewing my socks while I clean up her messes!
And that folks is just the cliff notes version…! Other than that, life in our world remains pretty much the same and we still both ‘Occupy’ Jobs (no not that Jobs (RIP and thank you for my new IPhone). No wonder the world is coming to an end in 2012—how could it ever live up to 2011, a year which gave us a royal wedding, Sheen declaring himself to be a Martian rock star made of tiger blood who no longer does drugs (glad rehab helped), a second ex-Mr. Kim Kardashian and a political penis scandal (what a Weiner!)? "I'm not bi-polar I'm bi-winning" (LOL)
So wishing all of you and all of the best! Keep your friends and family close and your enemies closer! Time to get shuf-f-f-ling! HUGS AND KISSES to all of you! XOXOXO! Janet, Joey, Matches, Ember and Zippo!!!